1. “Aerobics and Cardio are Dead”
2. “Stop drinking water now”
3. “Will Jesus ever return? Some folks are wondering.”
4. “How to stop a heart attack”
5. “Glenn Beck is back, idiots beware”
6. “Obama is scared, he’s on the run, we can win this one.”
7. “Still Think Sex Ed Is All About “The Facts of Life”? Think Again.”
8. “The problem with saw palmetto”
9. “F-22 jet can shoot homosexual agenda down in flames”
10. “The Passion of Christ, an Exclusive Travel Opportunity”

Jim Pfaff
Russ Patterson
Media Lizzy Blackney
Bob Goodlatte
Arsalan Iftikhar
John Dickerson
Matt Entenza
April-Liesel Binapri
Lou Galterio
Alexia Deligianni

-Mike Murphy: “My theory? Chicom spies quietly switched members of Nobel Committee with Tiger Beat mag editorial staff. Hu Jia on cover of next issue…”

-Kathryn Lopez: “i want to buy the world a coke.”

-Philip Klein: “Obama’s victory speech should be, ‘Don’t tell me that words don’t matter.’”

-Ben Domenech: “BREAKING NEWS: Obama Awarded 1987 Best Supporting Actress Prize Because Olympia Dukakis Never Deserved It #tcot #nobelprize”

-Ana Marie Cox: “I guess we can finally un-green our avatars, huh?”

-John Edgell: “is definitely going to watch Rush Limbaugh’s webcast today. This is the one best chance to see a human being actually turn purple.”

-PourMeCoffee: “Nobel committee picks Obama for its fantasy peace team.”

-Chris Lehmann: “Harry Reid flummoxed that Obama won Peace Prize without Olympia Snowe’s backing.”

-Mo Rocca: “I don’t care who wins the Nobel. I just hope Neil Patrick Harris is hosting.”

-Christine Hall: “Beer Summit propels President Obama to Nobel Peace Prize win.”

-Karen Tumulty: “Mr. President, that knock on the front door is Publisher’s Clearing House. They say they have some very good news.”

-Dave Weigel: “Huh. Who knew ACORN controlled the Nobel committee, too?”

-Farhad Manjoo: “Yo Barack, I’m really happy for you and imma let you finish, but Morgan Tsvangira was one the most peaceful dudes ever.”

-John Dickerson: “Well it was a week late but Obama got the gold.”

-Mike Memoli: “Breaking: MLB has awarded the Yankees the World Championship in recognition of their pursuit of excellence”

-Jake Tapper: “apparently the standards are more exacting for an ASU honorary degree these days”

-Matt Yglesias: “They should institute a Nobel Prize for driving conservatives crazy.”

-Chadwick Matlin: “Who let the barackobamaisyournewbycicle people vote for the Nobel peace prize this year?”

-Erick Erickson: “Obama is becoming Jimmy Carter faster than Jimmy Carter became Jimmy Carter.”

-David Waldman: “Obama just unlocked the Nobel Laureate badge in Foursquare!”